We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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