I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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