Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
