when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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