it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
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