I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
