Have you finally orgasmed yet?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
