yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
