i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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