Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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