Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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