wat bout pragnant strippers??
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Nobody cheats on THIS.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
