Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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