I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I think my fart just growled at me.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
