somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
