If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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