I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
