Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
