went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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