I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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