Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
