yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
