i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
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I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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