my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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