so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
