Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
