lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
