you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
