Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
