I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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