I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
