Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
