Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
