wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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