Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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