I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
