Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
