I'm so fucking centered right now
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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