I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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