1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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