we have pet lesbian snakes
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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