There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
