so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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