Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
