Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I need water and some morals
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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