I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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