My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
