We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
