Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
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