Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
