it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
