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I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
