i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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