Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
