my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
