I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
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