Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
