i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
