Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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