Welp...herpes.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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